Teaching a Difficult Concept

  We have 3 different kinds of plates.  There's a beige set with blue border, a white set with brown border, and a white set with blue border.
  Lately Max has been trying to express preference as to which plate he eats off of.
  Well, why not? Max is having a hard time learning to advocate for himself, and plates are a good start. 
  But Max has trouble telling me which he wants.

Why He Wants a Different Plate

  Sometimes he wants a different plate because after he's finished eating, he'll want to smash the plate, a release of tension.  We're still working on communicating  a better way of dealing with that.  We regard it as a communication problem, even with the smashed plates, not a behavior problem.  Right now smashed plates are about as much a not a big deal as smashed Corelle can be (yes, he has to stay in the kitchen until it's cleaned up).  They are 35 year old plates that i'd like good reason to replace, and he smashes my least favorite ones.
  Not that we wouldn't like him to not smash plates, but it's a side issue for us.  If he has a more appropriate way of expressing the rage, he won't need to smash the plate.
  And smash isn't always involved.  About three times out of four, we just don't know.  And that's ok.

"More Plate, Please"

  This means he wants a DIFFERENT plate, not a second one.

  It took me months to figure out what he was really asking.
  First i just refused,  "One plate is enough."
  Then he'd go get the plate he wanted from the dish closet and transfer his food himself.
  Finally i got it.  Usually any more i will ask in advance which plate he wants.
  But sometimes either he changes his mind or, more likely, i didn't get the right answer.  And we get "More plate, please."
  Ok, so i verbally explained to Max that the proper word is "different," and he agreed, but that didn't penetrate really.
  Like other people with autism, Max will agree because it's expected, or to get past the moment, or whatever.  i don't claim to have the reason figured out.

Need for Visual

  But while i lay awake last night the illustration above came to me.  i actually did it for him this morning with pen on scratch paper.
  Experience makes me confident that he has the concept now.  A few years back, Max kept calling one of his favorite movies, The Fox IN the Hound.  But he stopped once i drew the concept for him.

And ever after he called it properly, The Fox AND the Hound.   One drawing, one time, and he had it.

11/11/12 update