Attending a Wedding with Max

 

  Recently i spoke to a woman who proudly told me about her son's upcoming wedding.  She said her other son, an older young man with autism, would not be attending the wedding however, because he doesn't do crowds.
  Boy do i know the feeling.  It is hard to relax with Max in a social setting.  i remember all the times "back when" when --- i can't begin to go there.  i'll have to try it another time for you.  But maybe you've seen another family in the midst of such a crisis.  Or maybe you ARE that family.

  When we received my cousin's invitation to his daughter's wedding,

This chart is from Max's viewpoint.

we weren't sure how to handle it.  On the one hand, it was wonderful that my cousin and family included all of us.  And Max has been to weddings before, and done them beautifully.
  But he's also been pointedly excluded from invitations.  Asking MyGuy and me and Boom, when Max was high school age? 
  Anyway, this wedding was at 4:30, an hour away, with the reception at 6:30, dinner and dancing anticipated to begin no earlier than 8:30.
  We asked Max.  He wanted to go.  But on closer questioning and explanation ("This is the time the wedding starts.  This is the time we'll have to leave home.  This is when we go to the party after the wedding.  Dinner might be served about the time you'd like to go to bed, and maybe the dancing an hour later."), he decided wedding  only.
  So we attended in two cars.  MyGuy and Max came for the wedding, and Boom and i went to the reception.
  MyGuy doesn't dance anyway, but Max loves to.  Oh well.

  We ticked off in pencil on the program what was happening.  Visual, you know.  (Don't tell me just about everybody doesn't do this mentally, including the wedding party!)  Max sat calmly, and i think he even enjoyed watching the ceremony.
  The hard part was keeping Mom calm.
  And yes, my cousin was a beautiful bride - aren't they all? - and a great time was had by all.  Dad & Max had pizza for dinner and bedtime wasn't much later than it should have been.

  Max is part of the family.  We make adjustments, need to do things a bit differently, but definitely all a family.