Learning Pains

  i have been told that kids have a right to learn with their age peers.
  This was the reason given why Max would not be allowed to remain in the preschool where he was flourishing, but must instead move on to kindergarten.
  Some rights are a hindrance to true progress.
  He would have benefitted from one more year at preschool level.

A Brief History of the Turning Point of Max's Schooling

  Of course, if money was not an issue, MyGuy and i, as his parents, could have enrolled him in a private preschool.  (Plus if MyGuy were not a firm believer in public education come what may.)
  So when Max began his fourth year of school, he did not return to the peer-model class in the neighborhood elementary school. He began his career at the still-public, but special education only facility in the next township.
 The time of the bus ride is about the same, but the distance is more of a problem for me.

The Best of His School

  Every year, something along the lines of "lack of interaction of typically developing peers" is noted on Max's IEP as a disadvantage of being educated in this school.  We have continued with him there for most of the past fifteen years (kids with severe disabilities may continue until age 22) because, in spite of disadvantage (lack of peer models), this is the best fit.
  He likes it there.  A few years back, he learned to multiply and is now working on division.  The teacher who introduced multiplication has spent his career working with kids with such extreme disabilities, and considers this accomplishment the high point.
  His teachers understand his needs (as well as anyone). Small class sizes mean his teachers can work with him in ways teachers with huge numbers of students cannot. He doesn't have to deal with rejection and ridicule from those peers, which, while not the ideal, is more the message i hear from the trenches.

Inclusion: The Gold Standard for All?

  When Max was ten, we decided he was doing so well at this school that we wanted to move him out into a special classroom in a regular school.
  What a disaster.

  In that six months Max was enrolled at this other school (also in the next township), we had ten case conferences to determine What is Wrong with Max and How do We Fix Him.  (No, it's never phrased like that, but. . . .)
 In 7 Tips to Win at Your Case Conference, i described a case conference where everyone worked together for Max's benefit.
  During this particular year, with the ten conferences in six months, we honestly did have a round table, but, due to circumstances beyone everyone's control, i was Max's only non-school representative.  Yes, we must think of it that way, though these were quite stressful and i felt totally beaten down.
  He wasn't fitting in.  He was violent.  He refused to follow rules.
  We did full days, then half days.  i knew we were in trouble when we attended the family spaghetti supper and Max refused to show us his classroom.  He said it was "yucky."
  i was ready to put him back in the special school which he loved, where we had evidence of learning and the problems were not so severe.
  i was told no, let's try this.  Then this.

Crisis

  He went back on full days, then had a full-blown meltdown at lunch the first day. i'm not sure why none of us perceived the reason at the time, including the trained teachers working with him.  There were reasons, though:  the general nature of the lunchroom, where he had not been for a month or more; the exploding taco; and the election activity in the other part of the room?????  Not sure how election events could even happen in the same room with school lunch, but that's what the notes say.  No wonder the poor, communication-impaired kid lost it.
  Another emergency conference, and back to half days.
  In December i learned that the teacher was going on maternity leave.  (Surely they knew this when he started?)  Nope, not a problem, never mind that they had a string of substitute teachers while looking for a certified speced teacher to cover for the leave.
  Max's behavior continued to deteriorate.
  At the end of February, TWO MONTHS after the maternity leave had begun and something like five subs later, the school found their sub to last the rest of the school year.
  But Max must return immediately to his former school, as this licensed teacher was not special education certified.
  Well, you gotta do what you gotta do.

Return to "Eden"?

  Max was back in the former school the day after the conference.
  The next time i saw the teacher there, she asked me what they did with him.  She said they "ruined" him.  i had heard (gossip) that they tried to make the kids normal, and Max has never put up with that.  No one in our family does, but our family's not-normal has never been particularly difficult to deal with. (talking about fairies in every day speech, preferring to hear encyclopedias read at age 3, that sort of thing.)
  We never attempted to move him again, even though we are convinced that he is nowhere near as advanced academically as he might have been in a regular school.  Lifeskills are emphasized at the expense of academics - in fact, SSI tells us for this reason that Max does not attend school: his school is not a "school."

Today

  In the car, Max voluntarily told me that Pisa is a city in Italy.  No, he did not mean pizza.  Pisa is known for its tower.  What's special about the tower?  It leans.
  He did not learn that at school.
  He also told me that the Eiffel Tower is in Paris, which is in France, but he did not know where Pisa is.  He probably will, though, if you ask him tomorrow.
  We got that by my asking multiple choice questions when the words popped up in his random speaking.
  But sometimes he will say something specific and to the point.
  Like the day we drove near That "Yucky" School and i asked teasingly if we should go there.
  Understand this was ten years after he attended there for six months.
  Max, who rarely strings 3 or 4 words, together, responded,

"NO, THAT IS A HORRIBLE PLACE."

For a look at a later,successful conference, see 7 Tips to Win at Your Case Conference.